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My wife said we should try some role reversal in bed last night. So I said I had a headache.
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
If I get an e-mail from you that says "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom, please understand that I`m not going to respond. I can only assume that you sent it in 2006.
One of the best uses I`ve ever found for invisible ink is when I signed my marriage license with it.
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I`m at the gym or if I`m at Walmart
Yes, I streaked once on a dare ... all the rest of the times though were just for fun
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.