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If you try and don´t succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
WHAT DO WE WANT!!! A cure for hangovers WHEN DO WE WANT IT!!! Please stop yelling
I bet the guy who invented fake dog poo was upset the name "shampoo" was taken
Live life to its fullest even if that means eating everything in the fridge
Breaking News: I took a bath today
How did people crash their vehicles before cellphones?
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
We’ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.
There’s really no reason to repeat yourself. I ignored you just fine the first time.
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s…That’s because she changes it more often.
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.