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That horrible feeling you get when you`re not asleep anymore.
A wireless bra? They weren`t tricky enough, now I need a password?
I order all my food with extra gluten.
People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don`t want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
I just don’t want to look back and think “I could’ve eaten that.”
"I didn`t get your text" is the new "my dog ate my homework"
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
I`m tired of doing math. I guess I`ll get my lazy as up and fix my clocks today
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
In retrospect, replying "Happy as a serial killer in a skin suit factory", probably wasn`t the best way to respond to my therapist.
I hope daylight savings time hasn`t thrown you off your schedule of doing nothing.