Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I thought the movie `fast & furious` was about my sex life. I`m fast, my wife is furious.
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
I hate it when people need constant re-assurance. You know what I mean?
I love going for walks in the rain. You can pee your pants and no one will be the wiser.
I used to drink a lot in the 80s. Then I realized, who cares what the temperature is?
If I hug you longer than 3 seconds, Iām picking your pockets.
I plucked my first gray hair today ... Man, that lady was upset.
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
The funniest thing about being sober is to realize you were so drunk last night you were texting all night with a calculator.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.
There`s actually a website designed to simulate what it`s like to be the sole survivor of a nuclear holocaust, it`s called MySpace.