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As I said before, I never repeat myself.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
Basketball would be a lot more exciting if each team was allowed one bear.
"My name is Robert and I support apples." -- Bob for apples
How to fall down stairs: Step 1 Step 6 Step 7,8,9,11
My first crush was in kindergarten. I instantly knew I was doomed when she colored Neatly and Perfectly inside every line with a smug, superior smile
I changed my name in my daughters phone to God...just texted her and said "I saw that"
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Exercise can add years to your life. For example, I just ran 2 miles and I now feel like I`m 82.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
For an "adult" bookstore, this place has a LOT of picture books
I was just told that I over-analyze things. I need a couple of days to think about that before deciding if I should be offended.
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch yesterday.
I try and inspire at least one person everyday to leave me the f*ck alone.