Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Dating: the process of hiding your crazy just long enough to get the other person to commit.
To be fair, if I had a friend who could turn water into wine - I’d worship him too.
Hearing jokes is always 100 times funnier when you have water in your mouth.
How about a T.V. show that just explains the backstory on all of the "For External Use Only" warning labels.
I don`t know why people say "your guess is as good as mine"? ..because my guesses are always better. ;)
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
The good thing about listening to a new song is that it doesn’t remind you of anyone.
I’ve spent way too much of my life wondering why food doesn’t rhyme with good.
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.
No, I CAN’T believe how early it’s getting dark. After 4 billion years of this happening I was sure this would be the year it didn’t.
The real plot hole in Cinderella was that if everything disappeared at midnight why did the shoe stay?
I just hope people who say "Jesus is my co-pilot" realize he`s a 1st century carpenter with no time in a flight simulator.