Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst time to need to sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee it when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
I just got gas for $1.79... Unfortunately, it was at Taco Bell.
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
I always hold the door for ladies, but they never seem to get in the car when I do that.
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
Marriage is like friends without benefits.
wants my 260 FB friends to know I love you all..except #193
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
It`s all good and well until the fecal matter impacts the electric powered air current generation device.....
When people tell me "you`re going to regret that in the morning" I sleep in until noon because I`m a problem solver.
It`s always nice to be called Pretty in the morning. So what if he was hiding behind the trash wearing no pants.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
Trust me, I am a liar.
I checked my horoscope today and all I can say is ...WOW!! I`m a Taurus and I looked it up and sure enough,it says I was born between 4/21-5/21!! Well played horoscope, well played.