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I think I`m gonna shave my legs so that there`s less wind resistance when I run to the fridge for a beer.
I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
I have a confession to make. I was born with a rare disease called “Amazing.”
"You only live once. LOL JK!" ~ the cat
Matchbooks exist just to be clues in detective movies.
keeps getting dirty voicemails from unknown numbers. If it`s you.. Send more
I see your arguement contains a lot of swear words, you must really know what you`re talking about
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
Men would be way more excited about cleaning if spray bottles made a laser noise.
Relationship status: running out of films on Netflix.
B!tch life isn`t a garden ... So stop being a hoe!
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…