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Apparently getting injured while in the KISS Army doesn`t make you eligible for V.A. benefits.
The women at this gym act like nobody’s ever tried taking their measurements before.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
When I`m home alone, every noise I hear is a serial killer
Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus.
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Overwhelming scientific evidence suggests a startling number of people are capable of ignoring overwhelming scientific evidence.
A massage is just professional petting for humans.
Going to Walmart with my mom and kids is a great way to test if the Xanax is working!
2013 is the first year since 1987 to have 4 different numbers… carry on.
Not to brag, but my antics at work resulted in several items being added to the employee manual.
My wife wrote an email to me saying she was concerned that we have communications issues. I immediately sent an IM asking her to clarify. She messaged me on Facebook saying not to worry but that sometimes we’re not as connected as she’d like. I tweeted her that I love her more than anything. She texted me that she loves me too and sent me a poem on Pinterest explaining how tired she was after a long day of work leading to her email. So I leaned over and kissed her good night.
I almost forgot to upload a pic of my Starbucks coffee. What a waste of coffee that would have been!
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.