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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
I sleep better when I`m naked why can`t my boss understand this?!
My age is very inappropriate for my behavior.
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
Sometimes I post crazy shit just to see if my friend`s list will drop a few #`s
Why is it that when you work very hard, you say you are working like a dog? Every dog I`ve ever known is lazy and sleeps 16 hours a day.
I always stip to help women broke down. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how a good porn starts off.
I don’t have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. That`s it. No more reading!
Someone stole my identity and returned it 10 minutes later.
Masturbating in front of your partner in the hope that she’ll join does not always work. And people on the bus stare at you.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver