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real eyes realize real lies
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
A word of advice, stay on my good side. My good side is in Hawaii.
Whenever someone says to me, "Oh, you look so familiar, where do I know you from?" I like to respond with, "Do you watch porn?"
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
I went to see a psychiatrist today. He told me I had a split personality and charged me $160. I gave him $80, and told him to get the rest from the other a$$hole!
Another World`s Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
If your wife asks you if you know where the broom is, it`s not a good idea to ask her if she is going somewhere.
I`m not a gamer, but I can be as lazy as one.
Carfax but for people
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
Are there actually people who get out of the shower to pee? I want to meet them.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
I drink coffee for your protection.