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For once I’d like to get kicked into a bar
Here`s an idea...You go away and I`ll stop ignoring you.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
Technically, Humpty Dumpty died a crack head
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
I just broke my record for most days lived.
Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
Q: What do you call apple-flavoured marijuana? A: iPot
I know alcohol isn`t the answer, but it`s my best guess.
Thanks coffee for tricking us into believing that it`s a good morning for a few minutes.
So can we just skip to summer now?
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.