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Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
I lost an ibuprofen under my dresser a week ago and now I`m worried the spiders are coming after me with no headaches and renewed vigor.
Buying new Nikes, call that soul searching
Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the sh!t out of them then sit in a penalty box for 5 minutes.
Crazy? ... My therapist does say I should quit talking to myself.
Remember, condoms prevent minivans.
Figure it out people. It’s a 4-way stop sign not a woman.
The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself"...and spiders. Oh, and ticks and nuclear war and getting laid off and losing your eye sight and...
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
Pretending to be nice is exhausting...
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
Struggling to get your wife`s attention?.....just sit down and look comfortable.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch