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Sometimes I’ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I’ll be like, “oh no, that can’t be right.”
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
Walmart killed the traveling circus.
My birthday is coming up. I dont like to think of it as getting older I like to think of it as experience points.
No PornHub, I would NOT like to share this video with my friends and family on Facebook.
Drunk people are the only honest ones left.
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
I need a leaf blower, but for people.
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, unless you’re talking about one of those hollow chocolate bunnies.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
So can we just skip to summer now?
If you give up smoking, drinking, and sex, you don’t live longer, just seems longer.
Being fabulous all day makes me really, really tired.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.