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I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
Coworker: What did you do this weekend? Me: Dug holes in the woods. And that is how you get people to shut up.
I stayed at a really nice, really fancy hotel this weekend. The towels were so thick I could hardly get my suitcase shut.
A new study suggests that a future study will completely contradict this study.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
I hate it when my cat leaves a dead Smart Car on my doorstep.
I hate when men`s restrooms have no urinals and a bunch of women in them.
Always believe a woman when she says: “You don`t want to know!”
When someone rings the doorbell I say to my kids, "I think it`s Santa Claus!" so I don`t have to get up.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Best part of living alone...clothing optional ;)
One man`s LOL is another man`s WTF