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I carved my name in a fruitcake in 1982. If anyone gets it this year, post a pic!
I love therapy sessions because I get to cry for an hour. It usually freaks out my patient, though.
Hey.. The tequila I drank wants to tell you a secret.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
finally joined craigs list. who wants to see my junk?
What do they give the person that has everything? antibiotics
Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
There`s no way to look cool when the doctor walks into your exam room just as you`re blowing up a rubber glove.
Legally, it`s questionable .. Morally, it`s disgusting .. Personally, I love it. ;)
Things I do everyday: 1.Get up 2.Survive 3.Go back to bed
Cleavage is something you can look down on and approve of at the same time.
I hate it when I see some old person and then realize that we went to school together
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
I`m terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.