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How many men does it take to open a beer? None! It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Lets be honest. Half of life is messing up and half is frantically trying to fix it.
My Hamster passed today, he fell asleep at the wheel.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
A lot of people cry when they chop onions. The trick is not to form an emotional bond.
Always end a conversation with "gotta run" so people think you`re into fitness
Covers on, too hot. Covers off, too cold. One foot out would prolly be ok, but I don’t wanna be dragged from bed paranormal activity style.
thumbs up if you pee on the side of the toilet to make it quiet.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.
We are hosting a charity concert for people who struggle to reach orgasm. If you can’t come, let me know.
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.