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The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
only fights if pillows are present.
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
My sister says god`s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers, so I bought her a vibrator because she`s obviously never had an orgasm.
Paying bills is fun and easy when you have a bottle of wine and a shredder.
I wish the Microsoft Paperclip would just pop up when I’m making a questionable decision for my life.
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
I`m happy, but not "Oprah just told me to look under my chair" happy.
I made a huge TO DO list for this weekend. I just can`t figure out who`s going to do it.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it’s that everyone speaks English after they die.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
Jesus said to love your neighbour like you love yourself. Thats a nice saying but if Martin from next door thinks he`s getting a handjob he can f*ck off!
I will be responsible for my actions....when my actions become more responsible.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?