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Two flies sit on a pile of poop. One fly passes gas. The other fly looks at him and says, "Hey do you mind? I`m eating here."
WORST.... APOCALYPSE..... EVER.....
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
apparently telling my girlfriend her acuracy is as high as a magic 8 ball wasn`t a good idea.
The next time the creepy guy at the bar asks you "Why aren`t you smiling?" simply reply, "I don`t smile while I fart."
Crazy people are never aware of their own insanity. I’m so glad I’m not a crazy person.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
My favorite holiday spirit is poured over ice.
The saddest thing about St. Patrick`s Day is taking down all my Christmas decorations.
Thats it! I want to be re-inserted and I don`t want to remember a darn thing!
“I saw that.” -Karma
Getting old sucks. I use to wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now I feel more like a bounced check.
Question everything...Or should you?
How many servings of fruit are in a fruit roll up? I`m trying to take my diet seriously now.
You know that old saying? If you seen one woman naked. You want to see all women naked.