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New Rule: If I hold the door open for you and you walk by without thanking me I am guaranteed at least one attempt at trying to trip you.
Some people have a natural talent for stupid. Others take that talent and actually ENHANCE it!
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
I bought a box of "SO CALLED" Hot Pockets --- brought them home, and opened one to eat it, and the Damned thing was FROZEN ----- Miis-Advertizing at it`s BEST!!! Now what do I do with the Damned thing???? :-P
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
Don`t waste my timeline.
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
"This isn`t my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
Apparently putting alka seltzers in my pockets while getting baptized and pretending I`m possessed by the devil is not funny.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles
Microsoft Excel has got to be the worlds worst video game.