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Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today...or flash them your boobs. Strangers love boobs!
It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
I Wonder what Facebook Employees do to waste time at work ?
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
Whoever invented the 5 day work week and 2 day weekend can suck my a**!
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
Whenever you hear the phrase "Oh no he didn`t" you can rest assured that he did.
So Stevie Wonder is going to become father to triplets next year. I guess he didn`t see that coming...
I would like my FB friends to know that the opinions and comments I make on FB in no way reflect the actual thoughts, opinions or actions of me, or my family. Its all for fun. The only posts that I actually mean are the same ones you agree with.
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
I once met a guy who was addicted to huffing brake fluid. He said he could stop any time.
Most bags of sand live a tough life stopping floods. But some, the lucky ones, live a leisurely life tied to the basket of a hot air balloon
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.