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Kids....because who doesn`t enjoy a fun game of "What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?"
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
I find it most unfair that the dentist in this neighborhood hands out toothbrushes for Halloween but the pharmacist doesn`t hand out drugs.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
The ultimate home security system is having shitty stuff.
Sometimes I STOP when it`s not even Hammer time
You`ll never see me on Hoarders because I can`t afford that much sh!t.
PMS = Prepare to Meet Satan.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
I was hooked on auctions after only going once... going twice
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
There are no words to describe how I feel about you... Good thing God invented the middle finger.
I`m broker than the Tooth Fairy in a house full of Meth addicts.
If you kept one of those jars where I`d have to put in a quarter every time I swore, you would be a billionaire by the end of the week.