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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Behind every beautiful song is a person who really shouldn`t sing it out loud in public
I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
Most kids today wont understand the joy of playing with the telephone cord.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
Some people just need to be clothes lined
I do not argue, I explain why I’m right.
So, which one of you is going to be the subject of your local news` annual turkey fryer accident story?
I wish my wallet came with free refills.
A nice kid in the park informed me smoking was bad for you. So I popped his balloon with my cigarette and told him so was talking to strangers.
October is breasts cancer month. I stare because I care.
Cocaine dealers are always trying to stick their business in other people`s noses.
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.