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I have something on my mind but I am not telling you, Facebook.
I hate it when people beg for likes, like if you agree?
I still believe in love. But I also believe in sasquatch, nessy, and that I could win the lottery. So there`s that....
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
People: What a bunch of bastards!
So, I hear Colorado`s population has increased 420%.
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
My life is the intersection between having too much caffeine and constantly yawning.
It`s not that I`m judging you, but you hung your toilet roll the wrong way and I just think it best if we never spoke again.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
I am the head of this household, and I have my wife`s permission to say so.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
Reincarnation is my only hope.
My pet rock turned 4,054,870,001 today