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Admit it at some point in your life you have tried to close the fridge slowly to see when the light goes out...
Happiness comes from within. That’s why it feels good to fart.
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
I totally love and fully respect that you`re a little bit slutty
Sometimes I`ll catch my reflection in a mirror and I`ll be like, "oh no, that can`t be right."
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
Anyone know where I can get a waterproof recliner for my shower?
What if "I`m coming out with a new scent" was just a way for famous people to warn others that they were about to fart?
If there is anything I learned from 80`s movies it`s that I`m the best around, and nothing is ever gonna keep me down
I have company coming, does a spork go on the right or left side?
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
At what number beer are you offically not working from home anymore?
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.