Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Pepper spray: The perfect way to end an annoyingly long conversation.
I have an awesome idea, but first I`ll need a zebra, bungee cords, jello, and a partner in crime. Any takers?
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I`ve only done that with pizza
I was drivin home tonight and was singin away and seen a tree ahead and swerved to miss it and realized it was my air freshener hangin from my rear view mirror!!!! CLOSE CALL!!!
Why does `beans` only mean secret when it`s "Don`t spill the beans?" Why can`t I say I have a dirty little beans to tell you?
Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, `You`re only interested in one thing,` and you can`t remember what it is.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
The doctor said I need to drink more whiskey....Oh, by the way... I`m calling myself "the doctor" now.
The girls who don’t get a rose on The Bachelor should automatically get a cat.
I give great marriage advice if you want to be divorced.
For someone who can`t put on a pair of socks without falling over, I sure do manage to get a lot done every day.
Pandora has taught me that a lot of the music I love is very similar to music I absolutely hate
If I was gonna make a bomb, I`d use the same color wire for the whole thing.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.