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Remember way back when the only thing that was annoying on your feed were game requests?
Just found out that I’m 53 Cheetos tall.
Whoever is in charge of making sure I don´t do dumb stuff is fired.
so I got really drunk last night, but I was good and took a bus home. the only problem I have now is I dont remember where I put the keys to the bus.
The filling in this fortune cookies tastes like paper...
Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
I`d do anything to lose 20lbs. Well, except for eating healthy or working out.
Hey dumb a$$. Not everything I post pertains to you. Just the stuff that starts with Hey dumb a$$.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
If I`m guilty of anything, it`s loving too much. And several outstanding speeding tickets. But mostly loving too much.
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
The best thing about smartphones is that you don`t have to refold maps anymore.
Guy at Dairy Queen was yelling at everybody because they didn`t have waffle cones but they had pictures of waffle cones. That guy was me.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
Apparently taking a nap does not qualify as "doing some undercover work"