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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
I need to unbutton my pants just thinking about how much I’m going to eat this week.
It takes a brave man to admit when his wife is wrong .
My wife is amazing in bed. She can fall asleep immediately no matter how loud the TV is on.
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
Whether you`re a woman or a straight man, taking a bra off is likely to be one of the high points of your day.
My bank lets me send a text message and it will text back with my balance. Its a cool feature but I didn`t think the LOL was necessary.
If you need Facebook to remind you it`s your wife`s birthday, I hope you own a comfortable couch.
My status would be a lot funnier if you could see my back-up dancers.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Those 5 donuts I ate are really going to give me an extra boost during my workout today.
The problem with sex in the movies is the popcorn usually spills.
*Baby on board* Oh really? Thanks for letting me know, I was about to ram into your car, but now I won’t.