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My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters.. do they just give you a bra and say, "here fill this out"..?
I’m the kind of guy who dreams about naps while I’m asleep.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
People with multiple personalities should donate one of them to people who don’t have one.
Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom`s wise words: "Don`t pick that up!! You don`t know where it`s been!!"
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
No matter how little I do in a day. I always feel like I could have done less.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
My goal is to move just enough each day that no one pokes me to see if I`m dead.
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
I wake up everyday planning to be productive. Then a voice in my head says, " hahaa, good one!" Then we laugh and laugh and take a nap.