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Apparently nothing offends a toddler more than suggesting they might be due for a nap.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
Hold that pose. My camera is ringing.
I`d say 20% of my day is spent trying to convince the dog we`re not about to be murdered by the UPS guy, mailman, squirrels, or the ice dispenser..
Stress from children can take 10 yrs off your life Drinking alcohol from stress can take another 10 yrs Based on my math, I died 5 yrs ago
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
Somebody tell me how "Rub a dub dub, 3 men in a tub" became a nursery rhyme?
Describe myself in three words ... 1. Lazy
If anyone ever steals my identity, I hope they show it a good time. Take it skydiving. We`ve always wanted to go skydiving.
It usually only takes about five minutes into any conversation Iām having before people start shaking their head and quoting the bible.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.