Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Chuck-E-Cheese, because it`s never too early to introduce your child to poor nutrition and gambling..
I cant remember the last time i forgot something
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
Right now, a future teen mom is applying copious amounts of body glitter to herself.
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
I don’t write children’s books because the last page would always say: "Now shut up and go to sleep."
Thanks, resealable packaging, but I think we both know that won`t be necessary.
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
Getting back with your ex is pretty much the same as taking a shower, getting out, and putting back on the same old dirty underwear.
i just peed so hard that I laughed a little bit
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever
Go ahead, post sober. Ruin everything.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. how many fish do you have?? stop counting smart one fish can`t drown