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I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Just worked out, I will spend on average 7 years of my life in the bathroom. My wife will spend on average 6.9 years of her life knocking on the door saying " are you all right in there "
I miss the life I planned in my head.
Is it a firm rule that you have to be an addict to check into rehab? Because that one in Malibu looks pretty nice.
The sense of success when you’ve had something stuck between your teeth and you manage to free it after 25 mins of tactical tongue pressure.
Facebook looks so boring on the outside, but once you start using it, its like NARNIA BRO!
Life would be more simple if the person who named the orange an orange would have named more things. ;) Just Sayin`
Apparently a new study shows that unattractive men make better mates. Nice try, ugly scientists.
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t really figure out the plot.
My friend told me he`s going to have a sex change. Apparently, he just wants to eat, drink, and be Mary.
"I want to be cuddled, but I want to be alone. Being crazy is hard." - WOMEN
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
Most people don`t realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.
Starting to think my wife might have a tumor. She`s had a headache for the past 15 years.