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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
I just drink until the sadness becomes hilarious.
So when is this `old enough to know better` suppose to kick in ?
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Minnesota is my favorite state that sounds like it`s a small soft drink.
Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
LIKE if you talk to yourself and laugh because you’re just that hilarious.
FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
Thanks to my mom, I put my name on all of my underwear so they`re easier to spot when I go through the bar`s lost and found box.
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
I`m 50% sure this cross eyed guy is starring at my tits.
"Have you ever wondered if the $1 bills in your wallet were ever in a stripper butt? - You`re wondering now!!!"