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I always like to keep a nice photo of myself for my Facebook profile pic because that is the picture that will be splashed all over the news when I finally go off the deep end.
How many "zero likes" do you have to get on Facebook before you realize nobody gives a crap about you
Making everyone happy is impossible. But pissing them off is a piece of cake. I really like cake.
How many different animals did we have to jump on the backs of before we discovered horses were cool with it?
Wonder if Jesus gets screwed out of birthday presents just because his birthday is so close to Santas?
It`s been close to a million years since I exaggerated about anything.
All I`m saying is that if you were a real psychic palm reader you would of made me wash my hands first.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
I dont believe in beating my kids, so I make them wear a Justin Bieber shirt & crocs to school so the other kids will do it for me.
They`re called `selfies` because the only one who`s interested in them is yourself.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?