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My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
I am a little worried that every "evacuation route" sign is leading away from my house.
I can`t be trusted with your alphabet magnets.
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
Just tried to parallel park. 5 people are injured, 3 critical, 6 missing. The casualties continue to mount...
I get worried when someone posts a kitten pic with a foreign language, I don`t know if they`re showing a cute kitty pet or their dinner.
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Uhm, excuse me waiter... I`d like to return my food. It only received 5 likes on Instagram.
Like if you remember the correlation between a pencil and a cassette tape ...
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
What flickering lights mean: 1% electrical problem 99% demons.
Someone tore off my warning label when I was born.
Yeah... I may be old... But I`m still hot..... They just come in flashes now!
Sorry I hung up on you, I didn`t mean to answer the call.
LSD makes users lose weight ... That makes sense. It`s kinda hard to get to the fridge when there`s a dragon guarding it.