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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
My iPhone autocorrected "wish you were here" to "wish you were beer" ...I sent it anyways.
If it walks like a duck and it looks like a duck, the chances are she`s practising for her next selfie
I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
Plumbers should keep busy this week now that No Shave November is over..
Do you ever get the feeling that you’re being watched? Because if it’s bothering you, I’ll stop.
Just saw a guy driving while eating ice cream. F*cking sundae drivers.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
Please please, keep talking. I always yawn when I`m interested...
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
I am a gentleman, based on the clubs I go to.