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If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?
Thank God! the women with 3 boobs was a hoax... I just couldn`t wrap my hands around it....
My credit rating is so bad I got turned down for a magazine subscription.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Taking shots of Tequila is just another way of saying, "I like where I wake up to always be a surprise."
Holy sh!t! I just opened a bag of cheddar and sour cream Ruffles and one of the chips was plain. This is a sign, man. God is going to smite all of us f*ckers with his wrath and send us to all to burn in the eternal flames of... Sorry. Just one side of the chip was plain. Carry on.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
Why do people have to get ready for bed? I`m always ready for bed.
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
I still dunno why they say cats have 9 lives. My cat only eats & sleeps all day long. It has no life at all!
Obesity: When you buy a hula-hoop and it fits you.
I would really like to help you move your furniture tomorrow but Iām going to be too busy sitting on mine
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
I feel like doing something productive today. If I sit here long enough, maybe it will go away.
I already know that I`m going to hell ... At this point it`s really go big or go home.