Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I propose we change the names of the upper case P and lower case p to "P standing up" and "p sitting down."
Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
Remember that one time the cops pulled you over, then let you go because they had a more interesting call. You are welcome.
Hello is this HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet and you sent me a printer.
I dont know whats more awkward, answering Dora, or sitting in silence while she stares at you.
It`s only a 4 way stop if each driver can read
Wouldn`t it be ironical to die in a living room?
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I hope these environmentally friendly toilets save at least 3x the water because that’s how many times I need to flush.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
For some reason, I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why!
Judging by the commercials, only old white guys with sailboats can suffer from erectile dysfunction.
Found a note on my door today that said ”You’re Awesome!” ... Yes, I wrote it yesturday. But still, the truth is the truth.
Don`t let anyone call you an "underachiever". If they knew you, they`d know how amazing it is that you`ve managed to accomplish anything.