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You`ve reached the limitations of my medications.
I support recycling, I wore this shirt yesterday.
I`m like a kid in a candy store. I can`t afford anything.
I spend 95% of the time out of bed wishing I was back in bed
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
Saw a billboard ad for potato chips that proudly claimed "There`s a lot of pride in every bag!" Hmmm...is "pride" another word for "air"?
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
Just found out I`m pregnant. At least that`s what this expectant mother sign for my parking spot says.
my phone battery lasts longer than relationships this days !
Trying to achieve the perfect erection. How hard could it be?
I may have no one rocking my world right now, but I have no one ruining it either!
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out