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says, I am not an alcoholic. I am a social drinker. Problem is, I socialize too much!
I will be posting telepathically today. So if you think of something funny, that was me.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Today is the first day of the rest of your life, but so was yesterday, and look how that turned out...
Roughly 82% of my day is trying to decide what my next meal will be
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
I think Facebook is the Malaysian plane of the internet. No one on here has been seen by their family in weeks.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Destiny may decide who touches your Life. Your heart may decide who touches your Soul. But…Tequila decides who touches your body
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
Ladies and Gentleman, I`ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There`s never enough beer.
The trick is not let anyone know how really weird you are until it’s too late to back out.
My neighbors listen to AC/DC at 6:00 every morning. Whether they like it or not...
A great thing about being single is never having to erase your history tab.
My friend David had his ID stolen yesterday. We just call him Dav now