Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
"Why do you hate me"? I say as I attempt to hold my cat like a baby
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
I slept like a rock last night, meaning I woke up in the flower bed with the house key under my belly.
Last night I meant to tell my kids "Good night, I love you", but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Thursday because this is bulls**t."
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
This is the only way I know how to correctly use a semi-colon ;)
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.