Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I saw a guy today at Starbucks. He had no smartphone, tablet or laptop. He just sat there drinking his coffee. Like a psychopath.
I would like to say to all my 500+ facebook friends, that i love each and every one of you..except you number 371..your a real a@@hole!!
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Stop asking why I’m still single. I don’t ask how you’re still married.
If people say you`re acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you`re totally nailin` it.
You`re probably wondering how I post so much while maintaining a loving marriage and two amazing kids. The key is neglect.
We all have that one friend who always gives the best relationship advice , but is still single.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
Somehow, going into The Dollar Store and asking for a price check just never gets old.
So I`m giving up drinking. Hard liquor. On Wednesdays. In June. Next year. (Maybe.)
When will math grow up and start solving its own problems
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
I almost talked my way out of a ticket today by telling a female cop she was very attractive, but things went sour when I said "and that`s not just the booze talking either".
Home is where the pants aren’t.
People say that I have no idea what hard work is. That`s not true! I know exactly what it is... How do you think I avoid it so easily?