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A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I`ve probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.
You lied....you don`t have a Klondike Bar do ya?
Let`s run away together.. Lol jk, I don`t run anywhere.
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
this website used to be full of funny statuses. Then the 8-year olds came in.
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think “look at all these poor people who don’t know Netflix exists.”
Right before I die, I am going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels to make the cremation a bit more interesting.
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a Pilot...but apparently I was too young.
When I die I`m going to go to heaven and God is going to be like nope, remember what you said on Facebook
The best thing about telepathy is.. I know, right!
The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I`m married to it.
Just ate a sleeve of crackers on my wife`s side of the bed.. I`ll let you know...
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.