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Chess says everything about men & women. The King has to take things one step at a time, while the Queen can do whatever the hell she wants.
Why periods? Why can`t Mother Nature just text me and be like, "Whaddup Girl?, You ain`t pregnant. Have a great week. Talk to ya next month."
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
I may not be the richest guy...or the smartest guy...or the funniest guy...or the best-looking guy...or the .....:( Forget it, now I`m depressed.
I should probably eat this entire bag of Oreos tonight since they`re going to expire in 2017.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
A show called the view shouldn`t hurt your eyes
The synonym for `reality` is `offline`
For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
No matter how many lives you have in Candy Crush, you’ll still never get your own back.
Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
I wish I was Robinson Cruso. Coz, I can have `Friday` everyday :) TGIF guys..cheers ;)
My problem has always been a Constipated Brain and my mouth has the Runs.......
“I’m going to be a little bit late” -people that are going to be very late
Thanks to the words “dude”, “bro”, and “man”, I haven’t said my best friends name in 10 years.