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I don’t want to sound racist, but all stormtroopers look the same to me.
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can`t stand to support a life you never wanted. Tastes good though...
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
It`s not condescending if they`re stupid.
So apparently there are two types of white towels in my house. Ones to dry off and ones to touch if you want your fingers broke.
The queen honey bee has up to 40 sexual partners a day, just like your ex.
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
Fitness? More like fitness whole cheesecake in my mouth.
If guns don’t kill people, but people kill people, then doesn’t that mean that toasters don’t toast toast, but instead toast toasts toast?
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.
I`m not real excited that the wrapping on my toilet paper said `100% Recycled`.
If you have a problem with me please write it nicely on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, fold it and shove it up your a$$.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)