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Okay so the pregnant woman in the library didn`t get my `overdue` joke.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Procrastinating is just enjoying all the side quests in life whilst you delay the main quest story mission
It only takes one slow walking person in the grocery store to destoroy the illusion that I am a nice person.
My nickname is Gilette because I`m the best a man can get. Also, I will cut you
I like to take, long, romantic walks, to the fridge. <3
It’s like I wanna be left alone but I still want people to notice my absence, you know.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
I have the worst case of morning sickness. No I am not pregnant, my body just rejects mornings.
Pretending I`m a pleasent person all day is exhausting.
Last week a 13-year-old girl became the youngest female to climb Mount Everest. She didn’t mean to. She was just texting her friend and the next thing she knew she was on top of Mount Everest.
It`s amazing how much more money I have when I`m drunk.
doesn`t need any help being bad but u can come along for the ride if your up for it.
thjeo oskl asopa joa sajksla wioj apska shul bhcgy ....Yes I just wasted your time ;)
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.