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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
I think that there are two things that we can all agree on: Boobs.
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
Women aren’t that complicated. They just want an honest and genuine guy who will give them insincere compliments they might not deserve.
I don’t know what my neighbor’s name is and we’ve been neighbors too long for me to ask.
You ever read a status, and you`re like, `what a f*ck up` and then you realize you`re on your own page?
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Neighbors at it again. I do NOT want to know the words to "Wrecking Ball" by Miley Cyrus!
The easiest way for me to lose inches is to switch to the metric system.
Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"
What`s with this `running with scissors` bullsh!t? Why would you run with scissors? Are you that excited to cut paper?