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My cat probably thinks I`m cleaning my ice cream...
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
Just got a new phone. Pretty pissed all my contacts were not lost.
There is no better sunscreen than sitting inside a bar.
I should be able to take a sick day if I am sick of the people I work with.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
I wish we could donate body fat to those in need.
I can`t help but feel insulted when that voice on the speaker calls me a Walmart shopper.
I make a great second impression.
I don`t have a police record ... but I think I do have a Sting cd around here somewhere.
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
OMG, what a day I had. If Monday was a guy, I`d punch him in the throat!
Bitch, I grew up on the streets!!...Yes, it was Sesame
This is not the status message you are looking for .... Move along
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.