Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Instead of cars warning us of stupid things, like the door is open, it should tell us useful things, like there`s a cop hiding in the bushes
It`s hard to trust humans; even the blind prefer to be guided by dogs.
I always get a nice safe feeling whenever I see a police car and I realize I`m not driving around with a trunkful of cocaine.
Iām giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza
Matt Damon is set to play an all-action version of Jesus in his new Easter based Biblical film, "Bourne Again Christian".
The problem with this generation boils down to this one thing: Their cartoons suck.
Ladies: if you argue with your man naked, you will win every single time.
Sex is like pizza, if you`re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the f*ck you`re doing
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HOPE YOU HAVE AN AMAZING DAY!! (To all of my FB friends, please don`t read this until the appropriate day)
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it`s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with!!
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?