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Does the Food Network deliver?
"Haha" - me when I don`t understand the reference
I`m pretty sure all dogs can smell drugs. It`s just that most of them aren`t snitches.
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
You call it "Blacking Out" I call it a "Surprise Nap"
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
My new credit card has this awesome theft protection where it just says "declined" whenever you use it.
I pretend my bruises are sex bruises instead of I tripped over my cat while trying a new dance move bruises.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
I`d explain it to you again but I`m fresh out of crayons and puppets
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.
Of course I`m crazy, but that doesn`t mean I`m wrong