Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you dont have to mow it.
Most advanced telescopes use mirrors so we really have no way to know how many vampires are in space
If “too drunk to stand” is a yoga pose, then I’m nailing that one.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after they tested positive for WD40.
I wonder how long I`ll be skinny from all this dieting and juicing I`ve been doing. 1 month? A year? A couple of ye....ooh look cake.
Time to get out of bed and worry from another location.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Loneliness is when your sleeve unrolls itself while washing dishes and you try to roll it back up with your face.
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Whenever a stranger asks our baby’s name, I always say he hasn’t told us yet.
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
Single Awareness Day ..... it`s a S.A.D. day
Nothing tells your friends you`ve made it in life quite like owning a 4 slice toaster.