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I knew the Psychic was no good the moment she accepted my check
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old...
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
Don`t talk to me like I`m stupid until you know for sure.
Don`t come to my door wanting to talk about the Lord. I don`t come to your door wanting to talk about wine and vibrators, do I?
Haters gunna hate,potatoes gunna patate!!
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
In "I am Legend" Will Smith lives alone for years. But then 24hrs after a woman shows up, he dies.....AND she stole his bacon
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
I`d like to have a child one day ... Two days, tops.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!
It`s only a matter of time until "Security cameras of Wal-Mart" become a hit reality show.