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Just tried to pay for my McDonalds with a hug, it didn`t work. Don`t believe the rumors.
I did 26 situps this morning. It’s not a lot, but then again, how many times can someone snooze an alarm clock ?
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
I`m convinced that every time a sock goes missing from the dryer, it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
All I heard was, " I swear it`ll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There’s a good reason I’m up this late: because I have to wake up really early.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
Rock bottom is when you get dinner at the same place you buy your gas.
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
Helpful Tip: Use a tortilla as a lap napkin so you can still eat all the food you spill
Dear Boyfriend, Your wallet was getting fat so I thought I’d take it out for some exercise. Sincerely, your Girlfriend.
Don`t get out of bed, it`s a trap.
You know you drank too much last night when you have to use google maps to locate yourself the next morning.