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People will do odd things to get even.
Is glad Christmas is near i sure need new coloring books and crayons ..
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
I don`t have issues... I AM an issue
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people.
FB friends, please let me know if you own one of those cool little Smart cars so I can unfriend you.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them...
Since they`re loud and heavily scented already, Abercrombie & Fitch stores really are the ideal spot to go fart.
My dog doesn`t always bark like there`s an intruder in the house, but when he does he waits until I`m home alone and in the shower.
A fun part of your 40s is waking up thinking you`re hungover, and then remembering, nope, this is just how my body feels now.
I don`t drink to get drunk, I drink to.....no wait, I definitely drink to get drunk.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
Don`t send me a ;) face and then wonder why I show up at your house naked.
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.