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I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, but she was seeing someone on the side.
PRINCIPAL: are you the new english teacher? TEACHER: yes i are.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
Lying about my age is easier now that I have trouble remembering what it is.
Who am I calling stupid?? Good question.... What`s your name?!
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
I took a sexual harassment course today, I think this is actually something I might be pretty good at
There I was, watching a advertisement when a YouTube video rudely interrupts it...
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
It’s like I was put on this earth so unstable people have somebody to date.
love me or leave me,,HEY!!! where is everybody going?
I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
If you cut your child`s sandwich into squares instead of triangles, you suck at parenting...